


Peter Parker and his Inability to Lie

by cxpbuck



Series: Peter Parker vs. His Secret Identity [1]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Crack, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, One Shot, Secret Identity, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 10:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17242325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxpbuck/pseuds/cxpbuck
Summary: What do you do when your aunt sees your Spider-Man costume on the floor? Pretend you’re dating the masked hero, of course!





	Peter Parker and his Inability to Lie

**Author's Note:**

> Haven’t properly went through this yet so comment any mistakes you see!

“Hey, Mr. Bad Guy, you forgot this!” Peter called to the last ATM robber standing, picking up a handgun on the floor with his webs and swinging it into the back of his head. He then webbed him to the floor after dropping to his feet, unconscious from the impact.

Peter wiped his hands down on his suit with a satisfied grin. However, before he could leave his trademark note to the cops, his spider sense went off, predicting an attack.

Like a bullet out of a gun, Spider-Man whipped around and caught the incoming fist. Peter landed a kick on his attacker’s shin, causing him to stumble backwards towards a wall. Firing webs at the aggressor, the man struggled against the webbing as he couldn’t move from the wall.

“You know, after seeing your buddies on the ground, you’d think a guy would learn.” Spider-Man shrugged before pulling out a post-it and pen. In quick, rushed handwriting, the note read,

‘Found the bad guys stealing!  
\- Spider-Man’

Saluting the robbers webbed to the walls and floor, Peter said, “See you later! Enjoy jail.” He then took off running, firing a web onto a nearby building and suddenly, Peter was in the air.

Swinging between the buildings during patrol was one of Peter’s favourite things about being Spider-Man. He never could quite get used to the feeling. It was so strange, gliding through the air and feeling his stomach drop every time he swung.

When Peter finally reached his window, he stuck himself to the side of the bricks and carefully slid the window open, trying to prevent any noise. He crawled inside his room, silently rolling onto the floor after checking his door was shut. Pressing the spider symbol on his suit, Peter let the suit slip off of him. Carelessly, he kicked his suit into a corner and collapsed onto his bed.

After his patrol, Peter realised he got lucky. He only ended up with a bruise forming on his ribs and and a graze on his thigh from where a bullet barely hit him. Not too bad after a busy night of crime.

There was a knock on his bedroom door that caused Peter to lift his head up and pull his duvet over him. “There’s pizza for dinner. If it looks a little burnt around the edges, that’s just for flavour.” May laughed as she opened his bedroom door.

“Of course, May,” Peter smiled up at her. “I’ll be out in a moment. Just need to get dressed.”

“Right,” May nodded and began closing Peter’s door, before a flash of realisation crossed upon her face. She then opened his door fully again and began picking dirty clothes from his floor, “Your room is a state, Peter.”

He watched as May wandered around his room, picking up empty packets and clothes. Peter’s eyes widened as red and blue was glaringly obvious in his corner, the corner which May was slowly approaching.

“Hey, May. Don’t worry about it. I’ll sort it out after dinner.” He suddenly stood up, clad in only his boxers. Lucky for him, he didn’t wear his Spider-Man boxers that Ned decided to get for him as a joke for his birthday. He grabbed his closest grey jumper and put it on over his head.

Peter then tried pulling her away gently, but she just shook him off, “Nonsense. The pizza’s still cooling off, anyways.”

He stood in the way of his suit after she reached for his costume. She stood up straight and bemused, “Peter, what are you doing?”

Panic rose in his throat as he responded, “Nothing, just I really want to try your pizza. Let’s go.” 

May gave him a ludicrous look before reaching around him and taking the red and blue cloth into her hands. She held the suit up in front of her, the suit unravelling. The black Spider-Man symbol that frequented the news now in May’s hands.

“What the fuck?”

“I can explain!” Peter exclaimed, pulling the suit from her hands. Her eyes were wide with surprise and rage. Oh, he was in deep now. He spent a moment trying to think of an excuse, just anything that would get him out of this.

“He left his suit here.” Peter found himself saying. He started nodding slowly as he came up with the lie. “Met him through the Stark Internship. Solid dude.”

May raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. He didn’t blame her, he didn’t sound that convincing. “So, say I believe you. Why is his suit on the floor of my teenage boy’s bedroom?”

“Well,” Peter started, looking around his bedroom. His eyes caught a framed photo of himself, Tony and Pepper. When he would later tell Mr. Stark about this situation, he would entirely blame what he next said on the fact that Tony and Pepper inspired him.

“We’re dating.”

 

One day, after school, he crawled through his window, tossing his bag onto  his bed before going into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he picked out his spare couple of sandwiches he picked up from Delmar’s yesterday. Superhero metabolism sucks.

As Peter went towards his room, May’s voice stopped him, “Hey, Pete. Wait up.” He halted in his step and turned around, clutching his sandwiches to his chest.

“Look, you know I love you,” Peter nodded warily, not knowing where she was going with this. “And I just want you to be safe.”

Peter’s eyebrows shot up. Had she figured it out? Peter knows that his lie about him and Spider-Man dating wasn’t the most believable thing ever, but ever since that night he’d been so much more careful. He’d even asked Mr. Stark if there was any way to have the suit absorb any sound that he made.

“I’m still not completely used to the idea that there’s a man sneaking into your bedroom at night,” She grimaced. “And I know that there’s nothing I can do to stop you, but I know I can do something to help.”

He nodded, urging her to continue. At least his lie was holding up nicely.

“I know he’s in there right now. I heard the window open.” Peter made a mental note to find a way to silence that. “Now, you’re young and reckless. I just want you to be safe, Peter. So...” She trailed off and suddenly there was a box on top of Peter’s pile of sandwiches.

“Is that...?” Condoms. May had given him condoms. Of course she had. If there was ever the right moment for some super villain to come and attack him, it would be now. “Oh my God, May!”

“Yes,” May smiled nervously. “Now, go feed your man.” She looked down at his absurd amount of sandwiches before she hurried him off into his room.

Peter quickly shut the door behind him and looked down at the box that seemed to weigh down his arms. Throwing the box under his bed, he fell onto his bed, groaning.

Peter had then phoned up Ned to tell him about what had just happened. He found it hysterical. Although, Ned did suggest that he should just tell May that he wasn’t, in fact, in a relationship with New York’s favourite web-slinger and that he was actually the one parading in the costume.

He had thought about it. It would be easier to just tell the truth and not sneak around all the time, but he was scared. He didn’t know how May would react. She’d already lost Ben, Peter knew she would do everything to prevent losing her nephew.

In the end, he decided to continue the lie. At least for the time being.

 

Peter was tired. It was a long day. Flash was being particularly colourful with his insults today, he had barely revised for his biology test due to his frequent patrolling and speaking of patrol, he managed to score a broken nose and a fractured wrist. So, when he was sneaking back into his room that night, he was being particularly sloppy.

Peter opened his window and stepped into his room, his door wide open. He kicked his door shut and was about to lie down onto his bed, clad in his suit, but a familiar face was sat there, a wide smile on her lips.

“Hello, Spider-Man. I’ve been wanting to meet the man who seems to have stolen a lot of my nephew’s time.” May grinned up at him, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “I’m May, Peter’s aunt.”

Peter coughed and spoke with a deepened voice that Karen - thank you, Karen - automatically done for him, “Oh, hello ma’am. Yeah, Pete’s mentioned you. All good things, of course.”

To say Peter was terrified would be an understatement. He was ready to throw himself off of Stark Tower.

“I’m afraid to say it, but Peter’s not home yet.” May said, watching the mask of Spider-Man, waiting to see his reaction.

Peter nodded, “Ah, well then. I better be going, ma’am. I didn’t have much time and just wanted to swing by, see if he was alright.” Peter wasn’t even sure if he knew what he was saying at this point, he just wanted to get out of there. 

“Of course, you’re a busy man. But before you go,” May began, her eyes turning serious and sad all of a sudden. “Peter’s gone through a lot. He doesn’t need to lose someone close to him again. Just, ah, I don’t know. Be careful.”

Peter smiled softly, almost sadly, from underneath his mask. With an understanding nod, Peter said, “Of course, ma’am. I’ll be careful.” 

He made his way over to the window and sat on the window sill momentarily, “Have a good night, May.” With that, Spider-Man was gone.

Peter crawled onto the roof of their apartment complex and led there. He grabbed at the mask on his face, wanting to feel the cold, New York air on his skin. 

It was that evening that Peter had decided he had to tell her. He had recognised that look on her face. The way her eyes watered and how her lip trembled. It was the same look he got after Ben’s death, after Peter would come out of his room with red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. 

Peter had to tell her.

 

 

Unfortunately, circumstances decided to reveal it for Peter instead. 

For the next week, Peter had been waiting for the perfect opportunity. He knew that over dinner one night seemed a little pathetic after everything, so he waited.

He was walking May home from the hospital one night, May was exhausted after the long shift and from being up on her feet all day. Peter just wanted to make sure she’d get home safely. Peter had also heard on the police radar that there was a bank robbery happening nearby, so if he insisted a little too much on walking her home, no one had to know why. 

The city was bustling as the two walked in silence, side by side. Peter tried to limit the conversation as much as possible as his spider senses demanded attention. He held tension in his shoulders, knowing something soon was about to happen.

Sirens began to echo, catching their attention. The sound of speeding tires and an engine prominent throughout the street. _Car chase_ , Peter thought.

As the car that was speeding away from the police came into view, a little girl and her father decided to cross the street. Of course they did.

He knew vaguely that May was gaping at the situation ahead of them, but Peter didn’t hesitate. He had agreed to himself awhile ago that his identity would never mean more than someone’s life. So he jumped in, quite literally.

With a flip, Peter found himself in front of the family, holding his hands out, waiting to feel the burn in his muscles from the car. People surrounding them started yelling, what was a skinny, teenaged boy going to do to a moving Sedan?

The car was suddenly against Peter’s hands, stopping as it came into contact with his palms. The back of the vehicle raised from the ground due to the strength holding it back.

The street went silent, the only noise was from the police sirens catching up to the site. Peter vaguely remembered the child’s parent thanking him over and over again but he didn’t pay much attention, he was trying to find Aunt May in the crowd that was slowly forming around the situation.

Once he did, he done a flip over the crowd to meet with her.

“Surprise?” He tried, a tired smile tugging at his lips. “You don’t look... surprised.” Peter noticed. In fact, she didn’t look at all fazed. If anything, she looked proud.

“You knew.” Peter breathed out in realisation. “Of course you did.” He rubbed his head and chuckled in shock.

“You really thought I believed that rubbish? I know you’ve been sneaking out every night, Pete.” She said, running a hand through her hair. “I also wash your clothes. You really aren’t discrete.”

Peter laughed, about to respond, before realising the shocked crowd still on the street. “We should probably go. I’ll call Mr. Stark for damage control.”

 

 

On the way home that evening, Peter asked, “Why the condoms?”

“It was an excuse to give them to you for when you and Michelle finally get together.”

“Oh.” ... “Thanks, I guess?”

 


End file.
